Prior to having James, when people would ask if I would ever want to stay home with him I would say, "I'm not sure I could do that. I think I would need to get out of the house to stay sane". But, I truly ate my words. If given the opportunity, I would stay home with James in a heartbeat! In the 12 weeks I was home with him we were able to bond and grow together. I became a pro at predicting his needs throughout the day and those early morning snuggles will only be available for so long before he's ready to be "on-the-go". It was truly a gift to be able to have that time together.
James did a practice run at daycare the Wednesday morning before I went back to work. We practiced getting up and out the door in time as we would have to on a typical work day. I took him in and dropped him off with no issues. His teacher, Michelle, gave me the run down of where things go, etc, before taking him in her arms. I was ok leaving him for a few hours as I knew I'd go back in a short time to pick him up and take him home to snuggle. To pass the time for me, I took the opportunity to run several errands. It definitely felt weird not towing him and the diaper bag around at each stop.
I decided to keep him home on Thursday since it was our last official full weekday to snuggle at home. I made sure bottles, bags, and clothes were ready for the next morning to make the getting ready process seemless. I woke up at 2:45 Friday morning when I heard James stirring. I needed to pump so I got that done. James fell back asleep as I didn't hear a peep when I was done pumping. I attempted to fall back asleep, but to no avail I laid in bed dreading my 5:00 alarm that would soon go off. I finally go up at 5:00 and got myself completely ready before waking James up around 6:15. As soon as I woke him up and saw his big, toothless grin I began to tear up. I got him up to get him dressed and cherished every minute while nursing him before he had to go to daycare. John loaded him in the carseat around 7:00, and away they went as mommy cried (and as I tear up typing this....sheesh!).
I gave his teacher at school a call around 10:30 to check on him. He had had a good morning and took his bottle well. She informed me that he wasn't too happy at the moment as he had just gotten his feet painted during art time. :) It was bittersweet to be back at work. It felt good to interact with other adults, yet I still missed James like crazy. I am grateful for a great boss (who is also a female with 3 kids) that understands juggling a career and small children. In my meeting with my boss she encouraged me to leave an hour early to get James. I definitely did not hesitate to run out the door ASAP. :) It was the best feeling to get to daycare to pick up James. It literally felt like I couldn't get there fast enough. When I walked into his classroom he was peacefully asleep in his crib. I quickly loaded him up to head home for snuggles.
Needless to say we survived our first full day of separation despite the challenges and emotions. The saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is even more true now than ever! And to all of you working momma's out there....I now get it. I totally understand the pain and mommy guilt associated with leaving your babe for the day. I pray that this process gets easier for our family (or that we win the lottery so I can stay home!) and that we enjoy every single moment together on the holidays and weekends. Time has always been precious, but now it brings a whole new meaning and appreciation. Rather than dwelling on how short the weekends are, I am going to try my hardest to appreciate those days with James as each day is a gift. :)
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| This is the look he gave me as I told him he was going to spend the day at daycare and not at home with mom. :( |
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| First day of daycare. :) Look at that big belly! |
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| Cheezer! |
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| The expression I got as I loaded him in the car to head home for snuggles. |
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